Monthly Archives: May 2013

Bitterness About Being Socially Misunderstood

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Bitter person against anyone!

People who have a past of being misunderstood or rejected for being different are sometimes quite bitter about it. Their bitterness may be directed at a certain group of people, society in general, the concept of socializing, the idea of having to change, or specific activities such as going to parties or playing sports. My opinion on bitterness is that while a bitter person’s underlying complaints may have some truth to them, the emotion itself is toxic and harmful. No good really comes from feeling like that all the time.

Here are some of the negative effects of feeling bitter:

Bitter people just aren’t as happy

When you’re bitter, you’re angry and resentful. Your mind keeps dwelling on the ways you’ve been wronged in the past. You could be having a great day, and then something will remind you of an old wound and you’ll be annoyed and lost in your head for the next three hours. You get down at how life isn’t fair. Obviously, feeling these negative emotions all the time just isn’t good for your day-to-day mood.

Bitter people aren’t much fun to be around

Overall, bitter people aren’t enjoyable company. They’re prickly and negative and moody. You never know when they’re going to turn on you for being just like ‘one of them’ and not ‘understanding what they’ve been through.’ At any second they could go off on the same old rant about all the ways they’ve been wronged. You can’t hang out with certain people when they’re around because they might setoff the bitter person’s baggage in some way.

They develop a mentality where they believe all their problems are the fault of one thing

There are guys out there who think that everything that goes wrong in their lives is because women are evil and selfish. I’ve come across self-described introverts who blame all their problems on the fact that extroverts don’t understand them. Some people’s complaints are more abstract, like they’ll dwell on how society is anti-intellectual. These things become scapegoats. Sure, certain groups or problems in society can cause people problems, but it’s not realistic to think they’re at the root of every setback someone experiences.

They negatively stereotype and write off entire groups of people

If a bitter person feels they’ve been wronged by a member of a group then they’ll sometimes paint every last person in it as their enemy. Even the people from that group who are friendly and on their side won’t be given a chance.

For example, jocks are the classic bully villains in high school movies. Are some jocks assholes? No doubt. But not every guy who likes sports, or who wears baseball caps runs around stuffing people in lockers. Most so-called jocks are regular, decent people who just like to play football on the weekend. More and more you’ll even meet guys who seem like jocks at first glance, before they start going on about how respected they are in their World of Warcraft guild. When you’re bitter, you don’t see any of this. Everyone in a certain group is the same to you.

They see what they want to see and hold certain groups to higher standards than others

Continuing the previous point: Part of being prejudiced is that you look for information that agrees with what you already believe, and ignore what doesn’t. If you’re at a bar and you see a fratty looking guy doing something obnoxious, well that just goes to show that all people in fraternities are loudmouth idiots. But you ignore the fifty similar guys who are behaving themselves, or the people from other subcultures who are being annoying in the same manner.

They unconsciously cause people to act exactly how they expect them to

If you’re bitter towards certain types of people, you may unconsciously act in ways that agitate them and cause them to be hostile towards you, confirming your preconceptions. Like a more alternative girl who resents fratty, pretty boy types may be really rude whenever she’s around them, and interpret their most harmless behavior in the worst possible light. Naturally those kinds of guys likely won’t be that friendly to her in return, which plays right into her view that they’re all jerks who didn’t understand people like her.

They develop an Us vs. Them mentality

Other people are the enemy. It’s introverts vs. extroverts. The shallow mainstream vs. the misunderstood intellectuals. The cool kids vs. the uncool kids. Everything becomes black and white. You fight little wars in your head. As this point and the others get at, once you’ve decided a certain type of person is your foe, you’ll tend to act and think in ways that lock you into your bad relationship to them.

They make their decisions in reaction to what other people do

If someone is bitter about a certain group, they may maketheirchoices using the rule of, “I hate them, so whatever they are for, I have to be against.” Oh, everyone likes that band I enjoy now. I guess I’m not going to listen to them anymore. They feel like they’re being non-conformists, or fighting the system. I’m hardly the first person to point out that they’re ironically still letting their lives be controlled by the people they dislike, rather than just doing whatever makes them happy.

They avoid potentially good things because of the unpleasant associations they bring up

Your friends invite you to come over to watch a hockey game. It’ll probably be fun to spend time with them, but sports make negative thoughts bubble to the surface of your brain, so you choose to avoid anything that has to do with them. Or you meet someone you like, but she has some of the mannerisms of the girls who used to pick on you in high school so you don’t pursue a friendship further. You can miss out on a lot of fun things just because they’re associated with something you’re bitter about.

They see changing themselves as selling out and ‘letting them win’

People may give you a hard time or not appreciate your natural personality. Society may be biased towards certain types of individuals. Still, there may beways you could change and grow that would legitimately make your life fuller and happier.

When you’re bitter you can be really stubborn about this. Changing means conceding that the enemy was partially right. If changing means becoming more like them in some way, you feel like you’re selling out. If you have an Us vs. Them attitude, it feels like they’re ‘winning’. No one’s keeping track ofthis stuffofcourse, but it all can seem very important in your mind.

They stay in a rut, but think it’s their noble destiny to be there

If your life isn’t in the best place, being bitter can help keep you there. You can end up painting this scenario in your mind where it’s good that you are where you are. You’re nobly sticking to your principles. You haven’t given up your values to seek success at a game you don’t even care about. You’ve held your ground where others have failed. This thinking can take on a martyr tint to it as well, where you get some sort of mental reward out of seeing yourself as a victim.

They achieve more than you normally would, out of a desire to ‘show them’

Okay, so maybe bitterness has one positive side effect, even if it doesn’t have the healthiest underpinnings. Some bitter people do a lot with their lives because they want to spite the people who picked on them in high school, or who didn’t believe in them. What’s the saying? “The best revenge is living well”? What’s that other cliche? That the smart, unpopular kid works hard to become the next Bill Gates so at his high school reunion he can throw all his success in the faces of the jerks who teased him, and who now all work in grocery stores? The only drawback of this is that being successful probably won’t give you the satisfaction and feeling of revenge you want. No matter where you are today, nothing will change the fact that when you were fourteen people made fun of you. Still, if you’re going to have bitterness affect you in only one way, you’d want it to be this one.

So how do you get over your bitterness?

Overall, I don’t have a ton of suggestions and I think it’s easier said than done. You can’t just magically stop caring about legitimately negative things that happened to you in the past, or which bother you now. In a way it would be wrong to not care that you were once treated unfairly. But still, you’ve got to take the edge off your feelings, even if you never get rid of them entirely. Three things I can think of are:

Expose yourself to the things you’re bitter about

This isn’t the easiest advice to take, but you may gain some relief by exposing yourself to the things you feel bitter towards. Prejudice is partially based on ignorance, right? Try to learn more about the things you feel resentful towards, and try to give them a fair chance. An example I’ve used elsewhere on the site is someone who’s resentful towards sports, explores them more, comes to find they’re not all bad, and lets go of some of his past baggage. Another examplewould be someone who dislikes a certain type of person, gains morefamiliaritywith them, and can no longer view them in a stark, negative way.

Forgive people

Depending on how bad someone’s past experiences were, this one may notbefor them. Forgiveness isn’t about excusing or condoning someone’s actions, or deciding they didn’t hurt you after all. It’s more about making a decision to not let your feelings have such a grip on you anymore.

Here’s a personal example: I wasn’t horribly bullied in high school at all, but there were one or two people who sometimes gave me a hard time. For years afterward it still got under my skin, and I’d sometimes daydream about how I could even the score if I ever ran into them on the street. Then one day, and I’m not sure why, I just thought, “I’ve got to let this go. So some guys were jerks to me when they were fifteen. Man, I could be a dick at that age too. I’m sure they’re decent enough people these days. We all make mistakes, and where would we be if no one ever gave us a second chance?… I forgive them.” My feelings were never the sameafter that. What they did just didn’t bother me anymore. I still don’t think what they did was right, but there’s no longer any anger there.

Sort out your other problems and live a good life

I already mentioned how the target of your bitterness can sometimes act as a scapegoat for other problems in your life. You’re really unhappy about other things, but for some reason your mind wants to blame it all on the fact that the world doesn’t appreciate people who are quiet and reserved, or whatnot. Similarly, when you’re in a bad mood for other reasons, your mind naturallygravitates towards other negative thoughts. It’s funny, I find when we’re fairly happy we may intellectually acknowledge that, say, our society is too materialistic, butitwon’t emotionally bother us. But as soon as we’re in a crappy mood, suddenly we’re grumpy about the same issue.

I’ve found that the more you can sort out your issues and get your life to where you want it to be, the less old injustices get to you. You may still acknowledgecertain things as problems, but they don’t have the power to rankle you like they used to.

Copyright 2013 by SucceedSocially.com & YouTube

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Manchester United F.C ~ CHAMPIONS 20¦13

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MANCHESTER UNITED F.C clinch 20th Premier League titles with emotional day despite the legendary boss, Sir Alex Ferguson is announced his retirement at the end of the season.

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Sir Alex Ferguson ended with 38 trophies in 26 years reign at Old Trafford hotseat. It is an historic day for British football as Sir Alex Ferguson crosses the Old Trafford turf for the 723rd & final time to take his seat in the dugout. The traditional flourish of trumpets as the teams came out at Old Trafford sounded like we were saying goodbye to football royalty.

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The giant ‘Sir Alex Ferguson’ stand simply spells out the world ‘CHAMPIONS’ in giant white letters as the man himself is visibly emotional. And there’s also a lovely hug from the mascot. I’m sure he’s chewing his gum faster than ever to help hold back the tears.

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Manchester United players, staffs & Swansea City players give Sir Alex Ferguson a guard of honour when he entrance pitch at Old Trafford. A father, icon, legend & visionary all been state to him.. Thank You Sir Alex..!!

It’s always said that it’s best to quit when the ovation is loudest but not everybody knows how to do that. Well, the inimitable Sir Alex Ferguson certainly knows how to do that and so he did yesterday when he bowed out on a high note as he received an emotional farewell at Old Trafford.

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The stadium was a flood of red flags which stated simply ‘Champions 2013’ –Manchester United having won the 2013 Premiership weeks earlier and playing the end-of-season game against Swansea as a matter of formality. Even so, the players made sure that Sir Alex –perhaps the world’s most successful football club coach – was sent off on a victorious note, beating the Swans 2-1.

When the final whistle came, Sir Alex was smiling broadly, then shaking the hands of backroom staff and fans as he strode on to the pitch.

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Then came the long goodbye as the Scot gave his farewell speech, warning he was close to “blubbing” and describing his 26 years as boss as “the most fantastic experience of my life.”

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Making a strong case for his successor, Everton’s David Moyes, Sir Alex said: “I would also like to remind you that when there were bad times here the club stood by me, all of my staff stood by me and the players stood by me. Your job now is to stand by our new manager.”

Fergie, dressed in a dark overcoat with a jumper zipped up to his neck, gave his speech, which he said was unscripted, with his left hand in his pocket.

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“My retirement doesn’t mean the end of my time at the club. I will be joining you and suffering!” he said. “The last-minute goals, the comebacks and even the defeats are all part of this great, unbelievable club. It has been an unbelievable experience and I want to say thank you for that.”

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The electronic board to show substitutions had cleverly been programmed to show 26 and 38 – 26 for Fergie’s years at the club, 38 for his trophies, 13 of them the Premier League one which was presented following his speech. In a moment that might as well live forever in football history, 71 years old Sir Fergie, all smiles and gumchewing as he is famously known to do, did a jig with his players as he lifted the trophy after the game.

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And thus ended the Fergie era. When next season blasts off in August, it will be David Moyes, not Fergie, who’ll be in charge. The good old Fergie who is now a Manchester United Director and Ambassador, will only be watching from the stands, less the stifling tension associated with coaching.

CHAMPIONS 20¦13 PARADE

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Sir Alex Ferguson’s final title parade saw Manchester United fans turn out in their thousands as the team bus took to the streets of the City to celebrate winning the 13th Premier League title.

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Absolute party atmosphere as the bus arrives in Albert Square. The players jump up and down on the bus singing ‘Champeones’ as The Courteeners continue to provide the entertainment on stage.

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United bus has arrived at Deansgate to swarms of spectators. It is rather late admittedly having been due at Albert Square 10 minutes ago. But, then again, the driver has probably been briefed to wait for Fergie time before delivering the goods.

Farewell to Sir Alexander Chapman Ferguson.. THE END of FERGIE TIME..!!

Copyright 2013 by Daily Mail & YouTube

Farewell Sir Alex Ferguson. Welcome to Old Trafford, David Moyes..

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Manchester United have confirmed that David Moyes will become their new manager when Sir Alex Ferguson steps down after 27 years in charge at Old Trafford. Moyes, who agreed a six-year deal at Old Trafford but will remain at Everton until the end of the season, said: ‘It’s a great honour to be asked to be the next manager of Manchester United. ‘I am delighted that Sir Alex saw fit to recommend me for the job. I have great respect for everything he has done and for the football club. ‘I know how hard it will be to follow the best manager ever but the opportunity to manage Manchester United isn’t something that comes around very often and I’m really looking forward to taking up the post next season.

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Sir Alex Ferguson, who is a great admirer of his countryman, admitted that he approached Moyes as far back as 1998 to see whether he would take an assistant role at the club. Announcing his successor, the 71-year-old said: ‘When we discussed the candidates that we felt had the right attributes we unanimously agreed on David Moyes.

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David is a man of great integrity with a strong work ethic. ‘I’ve admired his work for a long time and approached him as far back as 1998 to discuss the position of assistant manager here. ‘He was a young man then at the start of his career and has since gone on to do a magnificent job at Everton. There is no question he has all the qualities we expect of a manager at this club.’

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United legend Sir Bobby Charlton, who had a hand in the selection process, expressed his delight that Moyes will take up the mantle at the beginning of next season. He added: ‘I have always said that we wanted the next manager to be a genuine Manchester United man. In David Moyes, we have someone who understands the things that make this such a special club. ‘We have secured a man who is committed to the long-term and will build teams for the future as well as now. Stability breeds success. ‘David has tremendous strength of character and recognises the importance of bringing young players through and developing them alongside world class talent. At United, I think David will be able to express himself.’

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Moyes leaves Everton after 11 years and will be at the helm when United begin the defence of the Barclays Premier League crown they won under Ferguson this year. Everton announced that he was leaving the club on their website on Thursday afternoon and effectively said he was the new United manager. His arrival at Old Trafford was confirmed later. United chief executive David Gill said: ‘I’m delighted that David has agreed to join Manchester United. He has done a terrific job at Everton and has all the qualities that we are looking for in a manager to succeed Alex.’

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Moyes’s move across the North West will see the dawning of a new era at the 20-time champions of England.

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Sir Alex Ferguson called time on his illustrious career on the touchline yesterday when he announced he was stepping down as manager of Manchester United. After 27 years at the helm of one of the biggest clubs in the world, the Scot is preparing to hand over to his successor, David Moyes.

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Copyright 2013 by Daily Mail & YouTube

Malaysia Election face knife edge from youth

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Malaysian election campaign is intensifying and the southern state of Johor could provide early indications of voter intentions.

Johor is the birthplace of the United Malays National Organisation (UMNO), the dominant party in the ruling Barisan Nasional (BN) coalition that has ruled Malaysia since independence.

Across the country, from Sarawak and Sabah, to Penang and Johor and places in between, candidates are out campaigning and fighting for every last vote.

Experts agree Malaysia has never seen an election like this, with BN under real pressure to prove its relevance to voters.

BN figures say the party is quietly confident but admit the Opposition has put up its best fight yet and is more organised this time around.

Pollsters say it is too close to call.

Prime Minister Najib Razak is urging continuity in Malaysia.

“Our message to the people is look we have done so much over the last 4 years, if you give us the mandate I assure you we will do even better the next 5 years,” he said.

On social media, Mr Najib has signalled the importance of Johor, where his party is under pressure from the Opposition Pakatan Rakyat.

Opposition leader Anwar Ibrahim says he is very encouraged by the upsurge in public mood, telling voters a new awakening is underway in Malaysia.

Thirteen million Malaysians are registered to vote on May 5, 20 per cent of them are voting for the first time.

Cost of living, taxation laws, educational opportunities, health services are all key issues, as is the economic progress of the country and desires for social and political liberalisation.

Barisan Nasional

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The ruling Barisan Nasional (National Front) coalition is led by Prime Minister Najib Razak. He launched his party’s manifesto “A Promise of Hope” on April 6 which includes a boost in family financial support and policies to address urban pressures with a focus on the country’s economic development.

Prime Minister Najib has opened the door to broadening of BN social policies in response to growing domestic pressure and social change. He is promoting greater involvement of women in the coalition and recognising that young Malaysians are wanting more freedom.

The manifesto states “Our youth today make up two thirds of the population and their voices cannot and must not be ignored.”

The Prime Minister says only a BN government can ensure Malaysia’s continued economic success.

Prime Minister Najib presided over a closed door party meeting where candidates were being finalised.

“Forming a strong and viable government should be the ultimate objective of all Barisan Nasional members,” he said.

There are tensions within Barisan Nasional over how far and how quickly the party should liberalise.

Pakatan Rakyat

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The Opposition coalition Pakatan Rakyat (People’s Pact) is led by the country’s former Deputy Prime Minister Anwar Ibrahim.

His coalition includes varied parties in term of ethnic and philosophical make up that come together around cross racial issues.

As a grouping on the federal level they have never had to test how they would operate as a united political outfit with a detailed agreed political platform.

Within the Opposition coalition, Anwar is the leader of the People’s Justice Party (PKR).

Also part of the grouping is the Democratic Action Party (DAP) Malaysia’s oldest opposition party. DAP is a multi racial party with a core constituency that is Malaysian Chinese.

Next is PAS – the Pan-Malaysian Islamic Party supporting the Islamisation of political life.

Anwar Ibrahim said on twitter after the election date was announced “This election is not about parties or leaders. It is about the people demanding change in this country.”

Election issues

In the last election BN faced what locals call an ‘electoral tsunami’ when the Opposition’s support surged in the final days. In that election BN lost its crucial 2/3 majority in Parliament but was returned.

This time according to Dr Amrita Malhi from the Hawke Research Institute at the University of South Australia “it is on a knife edge.”

Speaking from Adelaide she said “anticipation is building, this is the hottest contest people have seen.”

“The way the Opposition is presenting itself is to make sure the election and conduct of national public life are election issues.”

Copyright 2013 by Australian Network News