Category Archives: Our life

The best way to have cold brew coffee

Homemade Cold Brew is a highly-caffeinated coffee concentrate. Unlike iced coffee, it’s a slower process that doesn’t use heat to extract the coffee flavor from the grinds.

Homemade Cold Brew Concentrate

Coffee concentrates seem to be popping up everywhere. From the rows of bottled coffee concentrates I see at the market to the numerous cold brew coffee concentrate kits I stumble upon online, it is definitely a hot commodity.

I love the ease of being able to whip up a batch of iced coffee at a moment’s notice. Simply grab a glass, pour, and enjoy.

Obviously, buying these bottles and kits also adds up. This homemade cold brew coffee concentrate solves everything.

brew coffee

Preparing Coffee Beans

Roughly grind your favorite dark roast coffee beans and place them in your French press container. (Pre-ground beans are fine to use as well.)

Pour in water (filtered is best) and vigorously stir to combine. Cover the container and allow the beans to steep overnight (8-12 hours) at room temperature.

The following morning, slowly press down on the French press plunger to filter out the coffee beans from the liquid. Pour the coffee concentrate into a container and keep it chilled in the fridge until you’re ready for an iced coffee.


How Customize Your Ice Coffee

The recipe for this coffee concentrate uses a 1:2 ratio of beans to water.

The concentrate makes between 6-8 cups of iced coffee, depending on your desired strength.

Since I prefer strong coffee, I make my iced coffee using a 1:1 ratio of concentrate to water. The standard iced coffee ratio would be 1:2, 1 part concentrate to 2 parts water or milk.

Brew your cold-brew strong enough and you can even mix it with boiling water and serve it hot. This is a really special way of doing things – the gentle, sweet flavors survive being combined with hot water because there aren’t any grounds left in the mix.

May your coffee be strong and your Monday be short.

Copyright 2018 by yans18, YouTube and Tech Insider


Insomnia : That Stops You Sleeping !

Insomnia : That cause your eyes
Insomnia : That cause your eyes

Sometimes the worst nightmares are the ones you don’t have. There are numerous conditions, disorders, and illnesses that either limit or prevents the amount of sleep an individual is able to get. Many of them are quite dangerous, but none of them are as frightening or rare as fatal familial insomnia.

Prion diseases are a category of rare fatal brain diseases that can strike both humans and animals. The disease hits the nervous system and impairs essential brain functions, which can cause memory loss, decrease in intelligence, personality and behavioral changes, and insomnia. It is caused by an altered and mutated PRNP gene, inherited from a parent, that manifests itself in misshapen protein cells that can pop up in brain tissue.

In humans, there are five known prion diseases: Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease, Variant Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease, Gerstmann-Straussler-Scheinker Syndrome, Kuru, and Fatal Familial Insomnia. There are six known animal prion diseases, including bovine spongiform encephalopathy, or more commonly known as “Mad Cow Disease.”

Like all prion diseases, Fatal Familial Insomnia (FFI) is caused by a change or mutation of the PRNP gene, which allows it to clump together in the thalamus region of the brain, eventually destroying the cells there. The thalamus region controls sensory and motor skills, as well as regulation of consciousness and sleep. The mutated PRNP gene “eats” holes in the brain, giving it a “sponge-like” appearance. This can lead to the inability to sleep (progressively getting worse overtime) and when sleep is achieved, very vivid dreams. It has been observed from EEG readings taken while the victim is awake show signs associated with REM sleep. Essentially, they are so sleep deprived, they enter a dream-like state when awake.

Other symptoms associated with FFI include lack of controlled movement or coordination, as well as personality changes. Depending on the severity of the symptoms, it is fatal within months or could persist (and get worse) for a few years. The normal life span once diagnosed is 12 to 18 months, but it always leads to death.

Oddly, the first signs and symptoms of FFI don’t tend to develop until our 40s and 50s. While no one knows for sure why the gene sits dormant and does not mutate until then, doctors have theorized that perhaps it is spurred on or activated by the vulnerability of the brain during middle age.

While no one knew it at the time, the first recorded case of Fatal Familial Insomnia (though, possibly not the actual first case of it) this rare genetic disorder.

Another interesting story is the one of Vietnam man Thai Ngoc. In 2004, he claimed that he hadn’t slept for 31 years (since 1973) after being stricken with a bad fever. Despite over 11,000 sleepless nights, he claimed that he suffered very little ill physical or mental effects. Some have claimed that Ngoc is proof that Fatal Familial Insomnia isn’t always fatal. Others, primarily doctors and experts, have claimed that Ngoc is actually sleeping, he just doesn’t know it. Some insomniacs can’t tell the difference between sleeping and being awake and engage in very brief “micro-naps” throughout the day.

Relationship with coffee also are related to insomnia because your day might be drowsiness when too long stay at night.

coffee = cafeine
coffee = cafeine

You feel more comfortable when it’s around. There’s just something about walking around with a mug full of coffee that just puts you at ease. You can talk with people without having to worry about what you’re doing with your hands; it’s great! It’s the first thing you think about every morning. The only thing that convinces you to get out of bed is the beautiful coffee aroma that wafts into your room every morning. You would take that smell over sweet nothings whispered in your ear any day of the week. You can’t imagine a future without it. It’s always been there for you; it will always be there for you. Your life will always include coffee. Always !

Help yourself beat up insomnia by listening to music …


Copyright 2015 by & YouTube

Not Every Person With Depression Looks Depressed

sadness and depressed
sadness and depressed

It’s strange when I tell friends that I have depression (not that I used to make it a point to tell too many people) because I’ve seen multiple reactions. At this point, I’m recovered enough that most people are surprised. But in the past, I’ve seen people mentally back away slowly, as though they’ll catch it. I’ve seen people light up because they know someone else who has it! Or because they’re open-minded enough to know that we all have issues and it doesn’t really faze them. Those are the people I’m the most grateful for.

I have never told someone I had chronic depression and been asked out on a date immediately afterwards. I did date a few people when I was at my worst and to this day I cringe at the thought of certain things I said or did both in an attempt to hide and because I didn’t have good outlets.

I said above that I’m recovered. This is because, through therapy, getting to know myself, and working on that, I am able to have a better grip on my feelings.

not the end of the world
not the end of the world

There is beauty in the breakdown because once you’ve broken down, you can rebuild. If you hit rock bottom, your only choice is to make it better and work your way up again. People might say “Why hit rock bottom in the first place?” Truthfully, it’s not always as easy to avoid as one may think, and it’s not always as scary, either. That’s why things like interventions/etc exist. People don’t always know when they’re at their worst (I certainly didn’t at times).

Sadness is not beautiful. Depression is not beautiful. But there is something beautiful about working on your problems. On yourself. Don’t wait for the someone to do it for you. Don’t listen to anyone who tells you, its okay when you’re constantly miserable. You can be happy. You deserve to be happy.  And I know you can get there.

Copyright 2014 by Pamela Cori from Reader’s Digest

How Much Sleep Do We Really Need ?

Sleep needs vary across ages and are especially impacted by lifestyle and health. Thus, to determine how much sleep you need, it’s important to assess not only where you fall on the “sleep needs spectrum,” but also to examine what lifestyle factors are affecting the quality and quantity of your sleep such as work schedules and stress. To get the sleep you need, you must look at the big picture.

We human & need a sleep hours
We human & need a sleep hours
Human needs to rest on the night
Human needs to rest on the night

Though research cannot pinpoint an  exact amount of sleep need by people at different ages, the preceding table identifies the “rule-of-thumb” amounts most experts have agreed upon. Nevertheless, it’s important to pay attention to your own individual needs by assessing how you feel on different amounts of sleep. Are you productive, healthy and happy on seven hours of sleep? Or does it take you nine hours of quality ZZZs to get you into high gear? Do you have health issues such as being overweight? Are you at risk for any disease? Are you experiencing sleep problems? Do you depend on caffeine to get you through the day? Do you feel sleepy when driving? These are questions that must be asked before you can find the number that works for you.

What the Research Says About Sleep Duration: There Is No “Magic Number”

Not only do different age groups need different amounts of sleep, but sleep needs are also individual. Just like any other characteristics you are born with, the amount of sleep you need to function best may be different for you than for someone who is of the same age and gender. While you may be at your absolute best sleeping seven hours a night, someone else may clearly need nine hours to have a happy, productive life. In fact, a study confirmed the fact that sleep needs vary across populations, and the study calls for further research to identify traits within genes that may provide a “map” to explain how sleep needs differ among individuals.

Another reason there is “no magic number” for your sleep results from two different factors that researchers are learning about: a person’sbasal sleep need – the amount of sleep our bodies need on a regular basis for optimal performance – and sleep debt , the accumulated sleep that is lost to poor sleep habits, sickness, awakenings due to environmental factors or other causes. Two studies suggest that healthy adults have a basal sleep need of seven to eight hours every night, but where things get complicated is the interaction between the basal need and sleep debt. For instance, you might meet your basal sleep need on any single night or a few nights in a row, but still have an unresolved sleep debt that may make you feel more sleepy and less alert at times, particularly in conjunction with circadian dips , those times in the 24-hour cycle when we are biologically programmed to be more sleepy and less alert, such as overnight hours and mid-afternoon.

Risk Of Disease for Sleeping Less or Much …

The health Researcher  sleeping less then 6 hour and much than 10 hours cause the risk of different diseases in the human body. Short sleeping and too much sleeping by the 7 hour standard cause the different diseases generate in the body like chronic disease, diabetes, anxiety and obesity-in from the old age is attack to victim in 45 years. During the test of the health searches diseases then participate the 54 thousand people of 45 years age they were six hours and more then 10 hours.

According to some report, the common sleep illnesses- including sleep apnoea and insomnia – create in the people frequently in the people with chronic diseases that to lost the ability to sleep soundly. So if you are walking up tired,during the sleep talking there is a problem of the low sleep and much depressed victim, if early discipline made of the time then it would improve your health and stamina.

Copyright 2014 by, & YouTube

Music + human expression

“Without music, life would be a mistake” – Friedrich Nietzsche


1. Happy/sad music affects how we see neutral faces:

We can usually pick if a piece of music is particularly happy or sad, but this isn’t just a subjective idea that comes from how it makes us feel. In fact, our brains actually respond differently to happy and sad music.

Even short pieces of happy or sad music can affect us. One study showed thatafter hearing a short piece of music, participants were more likely to interpret a neutral expression as happy or sad, to match the tone of the music they heard. This also happened with other facial expressions, but was most notable for those that were close to neutral.

Something else that’s really interesting about how our emotions are affected by music is that there are two kind of emotions related to music: perceivedemotions and felt emotions.

This means that sometimes we can understand the emotions of a piece of music without actually feeling them, which explains why some of us find listening to sad music enjoyable, rather than depressing.

Unlike in real life situations, we don’t feel any real threat or danger when listening to music, so we can perceive the related emotions without truly feeling them—almost like vicarious emotions.

music can make our life wonderful and meaning stories
music can make our life wonderful and meaning stories

2. Ambient noise can improve creativity

We all like to pump up the tunes when we’re powering through our to-do lists, right? But when it comes to creative work, loud music may not be the best option.

It turns out that a moderate noise level is the sweet spot for creativity. Even more than low noise levels, ambient noise apparently gets our creative juices flowing, and doesn’t put us off the way high levels of noise do.

The way this works is that moderate noise levels increase processing difficulty which promotes abstract processing, leading to higher creativity. In other words, when we struggle (just enough) to process things as we normally would, we resort to more creative approaches.

In high noise levels, however, our creative thinking is impaired because we’re overwhelmed and struggle to process information efficiently.

This is very similar to how temperature and lighting can affect our productivity, where paradoxically a slightly more crowded place can be beneficial.

3. Our music choices can predict our personality

Take this one with a grain of salt, because it’s only been tested on young adults (that I know of), but it’s still really interesting.

In a study of couples who spent time getting to know each other, looking at each other’s top ten favorite songs actually provided fairly reliable predictions as to the listener’s personality traits.

The study used five personality traits for the test: openness to experience,extra version, agreeableness, conscientiousness and emotional stability.

Interestingly, some traits were more accurately predicted based on the person’s listening habits than others. For instance, openness to experience, extraversion and emotional stability were the easiest to guess correctly. Conscientiousness, on the other hand, wasn’t obvious based on musical taste.

To break it down, here is the connection they have found:

  • Blues fans have high self-esteem, are creative, outgoing, gentle and at ease
  • Jazz fans have high self-esteem, are creative, outgoing and at ease
  • Classical music fans have high self-esteem, are creative, introvert and at ease
  • Rap fans have high self-esteem and are outgoing
  • Opera fans have high self-esteem, are creative and gentle
  • Country and western fans are hardworking and outgoing
  • Reggae fans have high self-esteem, are creative, not hardworking, outgoing, gentle and at ease
  • Dance fans are creative and outgoing but not gentle
  • Indie fans have low self-esteem, are creative, not hard working, and not gentle
  • Bollywood fans are creative and outgoing
  • Rock/heavy metal fans have low self-esteem, are creative, not hard-working, not outgoing, gentle, and at ease
  • Chart pop fans have high self-esteem, are hardworking, outgoing and gentle, but are not creative and not at ease
  • Soul fans have high self-esteem, are creative, outgoing, gentle, and at ease

Of course, generalizing based on this study is very hard. However looking at the science of introverts and extroverts, there is some clear overlap.

4. Music can significantly distract us while driving (contrary to common belief)

Another study done on teenagers and young adults focused on how their driving is affected by music.

Drivers were tested while listening to their own choice of music, silence or “safe” music choices provided by the researchers. Of course, their own music was preferred, but it also proved to be more distracting: drivers made more mistakes and drove more aggressively when listening to their own choice of music.

Even more surprising: music provided by the researchers proved to be more beneficial than no music at all. It seems that unfamiliar, or uninteresting, music is best for safe driving.

 5. Music training can significantly improve our motor and reasoning skills

We generally assume that learning a musical instrument can be beneficial for kids, but it’s actually useful in more ways than we might expect. One study showed that children who had three years or more musical instrument training performed better than those who didn’t learn an instrument in auditory discrimination abilities and fine motor skills.

They also tested better on vocabulary and nonverbal reasoning skills, which involve understanding and analyzing visual information, such as identifying relationships, similarities and differences between shapes and patterns.

These two areas in particular are quite removed from musical training as we imagine it, so it’s fascinating to see how learning to play an instrument can help kids develop such a wide variety of important skills.

Similar research shows this correlation for exercise and motor skills in the same way, which is also fascinating.

 6. Classical music can improve visual attention

It’s not just kids that can benefit from musical training or exposure. Stroke patients in one small study showed improved visual attention while listening to classical music.

The study also tried white noise and silence to compare the results, and found that, like the driving study mentioned earlier, silence resulted in the worst scores.

Because this study was so small, the conclusions need to be explored further for validation, but I find it really interesting how music and noise can affect our other senses and abilities—in this case, vision.

human brain effect on music
human brain effect on music

 7. One-sided phone calls are more distracting than normal conversations

Another study focused on noise, rather than music, showed that when it comes to being distracted by the conversations of others, phone calls where we can only hear one side of the conversation are the worst offenders.

After a survey showed that up to 82% of people find overhearing cellphone conversations annoying, Veronica Galván, a cognitive psychologist at the University of San Diego, decided to study why these are such a pain.

In the study, participants completed word puzzles while one half of them overheard one side of a mundane phone conversation in the background. The other half of the volunteers heard the entire conversation as it took place between two people in the room.

Those who heard the one-sided phone conversation found it more distracting than those who heard both people speaking. They also remembered more of the conversation, showing that it had grabbed their attention more than those who heard both sides and didn’t remember as much of the discussion.

The unpredictability of a one-sided conversation seems to be the cause of it grabbing our attention more. Hearing both sides of a conversation, on the other hand, gives us more context which makes it easier to tune out the distraction.

Then again, as we’ve explored before, getting distracted is often not such a bad things for various reasons.

8. Music helps us exercise

Back to music again, and we can see that just like silence doesn’t help us to be more creative or better drivers, it’s not much use when we’re exercising, either.

Research on the effects of music during exercise has been done for years. In 1911, an American researcher, Leonard Ayres, found that cyclists pedaled fasterwhile listening to music than they did in silence.

This happens because listening to music can drown out our brain’s cries of fatigue. As our body realizes we’re tired and wants to stop exercising, it sends signals to the brain to stop for a break. Listening to music competes for our brain’s attention, and can help us to override those signals of fatigue, though this is mostly beneficial for low- and moderate-intensity exercise. During high-intensity exercise, music isn’t as powerful at pulling our brain’s attention away from the pain of the workout.

Not only can we push through the pain to exercise longer and harder when we listen to music, but it can actually help us to use our energy more efficiently. A2012 study showed that cyclists who listened to music required 7% less oxygen to do the same work as those who cycled in silence.

Some recent research has shown that there’s a ceiling effect on music at around 145 bpm, where anything higher doesn’t seem to add much motivation, so keep that in mind when choosing your workout playlist. Here is how this breaks down for different genres.

Copyright 2014 by & YouTube


H a t e r

“The only thing more frustrating than slanderers is those foolish enough to listen to them.”

“Haters don’t really hate you, they hate themselves;
because you’re a reflection of what they wish to be ..”

You can’t bring me down
Already had my life turned upside down
I ride a downward spiral round and round
But I keep flying, I keep fighting
You won’t ever bring me down

I’m good, I’m fine, this life, divine
No hate, no shame, no one to blame
You might disguise, your life with lies
I won’t chastise

Even if you think you can bring me down
Already had my life turned upside down
I’m riding down the spiral round and round
But I keep flying, I keep fighting
You won’t ever bring me down, down, down, down, down!
You won’t ever bring me down, down, down, down, down!
You won’t ever bring me

I'll keep fighting in this LIFE...
I’ll keep fighting in this LIFE…

I can’t escape from your disdain
Your heart, your pain, your drama is lame
Why can’t you find some peace inside
I won’t chastise

Even if you think you can bring me down
Already had my life turned upside down
I’m riding down the spiral round and round
But I keep flying, I keep fighting
You won’t ever bring me down, down, down, down, down!
You won’t ever bring me down, down, down, down, down!
You won’t ever bring me

Hater, hater, hater
Hater, hater, hater

I’m good, I’m fine this life’s divine
No hate, no shame, no one to blame
Why can’t you find some peace inside?
Hater hater hater hater hater

You can’t bring me down
Already have my life turned upside down
I’m riding down the spiral round and round
But I keep flying, I keep fighting
You won’t ever bring me down
Hater hater hater hater hater
You won’t ever bring me down
Hater hater hater hater hater
You won’t ever bring me down
Hater hater hater hater hater
‘Cause I keep flying, I keep fighting

Copyright 2014 by YouTube and WebloG

Inspirational quotes and meanings

Your beliefs, background and character, will affect your view on the meaning of life .

We’re all unique! Even though 99% of the human DNA bases are the same in all people, we are all different from one another, with special talents, differing likes and dislikes, and so on. So it is not surprising that we might have differing views from one another on what life is about.

I hope you enjoy these quotes on the meaning of life, and find some further inspiration from them to finding your life’s purpose…

1) Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone –we find it with another. ~ Thomas Merton

2) “There is not one big cosmic meaning for all; there is only the meaning we each give to our life, an individual meaning, an individual plot, like an individual novel, a book for each person.” ~ Anaïs Nin

3) “To be what we are, and to become what we are capable of becoming, is the only end of life.” ~ Robert Louis Stevenson, Familiar Studies of Men and Books

4) You can hope for a miracle in your life, or you can realize that your life is the miracle. ~ Robert Brault

5) “There is more to life than increasing its speed.” ~ Mahatma Gandhi

6) Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can. ~Danny Kaye

7) “Beyond work and love, I would add two other ingredients that give meaning to life. First, to fulfill whatever talents we are born with. However blessed we are by fate with different abilities and strengths, we should try to develop them to the fullest, rather than allow them to atrophy and decay. … Second, we should try to leave the world a better place than when we entered it. As individuals, we can make a difference, whether it is to probe the secrets of Nature, to clean up the environment and work for peace and social justice, or to nurture the inquisitive, vibrant spirit of the young by being a mentor and a guide.” ~ Michio Kaku

8) “The greatest discovery of any generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitude.” ~William James

9) You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life. ~Albert Camus

10) “Not only is there often a right and wrong, but what goes around does come around, … “There is always a day of reckoning.” The good among the great understand that every choice we make adds to the strength or weakness of our spirits—ourselves, or to … our souls. That is every human’s life work: to construct an identity bit by bit, to walk a path step by step, to live a life that is worthy of something higher, lighter, more fulfilling, and maybe even everlasting.” ~ Donald Van de Mark

11) Life is the sum of all your choices. ~ Albert Camus

12) “At a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what’s happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate. That’s the world’s greatest lie.” ~ Paulo Coelho

13) “The end is not the reward; the path you take, the emotions that course through you as you grasp life –that is the reward.” ~ Jamie Magee

14) “Only when you accept that one day you’ll die can you let go, and make the best out of life. And that’s the big secret. That’s the miracle.” ~ Gabriel Bá

15) “Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.” ~ Helen Keller

16) “Philosophers can debate the meaning of life, but you need a Lord who can declare the meaning of life.” ~ Max Lucado

17) To live is so startling it leaves little time for anything else. ~Emily Dickinson

18) Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don’t be afraid. ~Frederick Buechner

19) Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars. ~Henry Van Dyke

20) The true harvest of my daily life is somewhat as intangible and indescribable as the tints of morning or evening. It is a little star dust caught, a segment of the rainbow which I have clutched. ~Henry David Thoreau

21) Life is what we make it, always has been, always will be. ~Grandma Moses

22) “The greatest create of power you have on earth, whether you are an angel, a spirit, a man or woman or child is to help others.” ~ Anne Rice

23) “Life is a fairy tale. Live it with wonder and amazement.” ~ Welwyn Wilton Katz

24) “The sole meaning of life is to serve humanity.” ~ Leo Tolstoy

25) “Human resources are like natural resources; they’re often buried deep. You have to go looking for them, they’re not just lying around on the surface. You have to create the circumstances where they show themselves.” ~ Ken Robinson

26) Life is like a ten-speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use. ~Charles Schulz

27) Just living is not enough… one must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower. ~Hans Christian Andersen

28) “God and Destiny are not against us, rather they are for us, they are the ones who never forget the things we have long forgotten, the ones who hear the desires of our heart that our own heads can’t hear, and they are the ones who never forget who we really are, long after our minds have forgotten the images of who we are. We come from God and we belong to Destiny, yet for some reason of ignorance we think that to be the master of our own fates and the captain of our own souls means to write everything down on a paper and plan everything out on a grid! Such great things to be done, and we think they are accomplished by our primitive ways! No. We must only know what we want. And want what we want. And then fly high enough to see all that which we want that we couldn’t yet see.” ~ C. JoyBell C.

29) I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it’s not the answer. ~Jim Carrey

30) “A life directed chiefly towards the fulfillment of personal desires sooner or later always leads to bitter disappointment.” ~ Albert Einstein

Copyright 2014 by

Bitterness About Being Socially Misunderstood

Bitter person against anyone!

People who have a past of being misunderstood or rejected for being different are sometimes quite bitter about it. Their bitterness may be directed at a certain group of people, society in general, the concept of socializing, the idea of having to change, or specific activities such as going to parties or playing sports. My opinion on bitterness is that while a bitter person’s underlying complaints may have some truth to them, the emotion itself is toxic and harmful. No good really comes from feeling like that all the time.

Here are some of the negative effects of feeling bitter:

Bitter people just aren’t as happy

When you’re bitter, you’re angry and resentful. Your mind keeps dwelling on the ways you’ve been wronged in the past. You could be having a great day, and then something will remind you of an old wound and you’ll be annoyed and lost in your head for the next three hours. You get down at how life isn’t fair. Obviously, feeling these negative emotions all the time just isn’t good for your day-to-day mood.

Bitter people aren’t much fun to be around

Overall, bitter people aren’t enjoyable company. They’re prickly and negative and moody. You never know when they’re going to turn on you for being just like ‘one of them’ and not ‘understanding what they’ve been through.’ At any second they could go off on the same old rant about all the ways they’ve been wronged. You can’t hang out with certain people when they’re around because they might setoff the bitter person’s baggage in some way.

They develop a mentality where they believe all their problems are the fault of one thing

There are guys out there who think that everything that goes wrong in their lives is because women are evil and selfish. I’ve come across self-described introverts who blame all their problems on the fact that extroverts don’t understand them. Some people’s complaints are more abstract, like they’ll dwell on how society is anti-intellectual. These things become scapegoats. Sure, certain groups or problems in society can cause people problems, but it’s not realistic to think they’re at the root of every setback someone experiences.

They negatively stereotype and write off entire groups of people

If a bitter person feels they’ve been wronged by a member of a group then they’ll sometimes paint every last person in it as their enemy. Even the people from that group who are friendly and on their side won’t be given a chance.

For example, jocks are the classic bully villains in high school movies. Are some jocks assholes? No doubt. But not every guy who likes sports, or who wears baseball caps runs around stuffing people in lockers. Most so-called jocks are regular, decent people who just like to play football on the weekend. More and more you’ll even meet guys who seem like jocks at first glance, before they start going on about how respected they are in their World of Warcraft guild. When you’re bitter, you don’t see any of this. Everyone in a certain group is the same to you.

They see what they want to see and hold certain groups to higher standards than others

Continuing the previous point: Part of being prejudiced is that you look for information that agrees with what you already believe, and ignore what doesn’t. If you’re at a bar and you see a fratty looking guy doing something obnoxious, well that just goes to show that all people in fraternities are loudmouth idiots. But you ignore the fifty similar guys who are behaving themselves, or the people from other subcultures who are being annoying in the same manner.

They unconsciously cause people to act exactly how they expect them to

If you’re bitter towards certain types of people, you may unconsciously act in ways that agitate them and cause them to be hostile towards you, confirming your preconceptions. Like a more alternative girl who resents fratty, pretty boy types may be really rude whenever she’s around them, and interpret their most harmless behavior in the worst possible light. Naturally those kinds of guys likely won’t be that friendly to her in return, which plays right into her view that they’re all jerks who didn’t understand people like her.

They develop an Us vs. Them mentality

Other people are the enemy. It’s introverts vs. extroverts. The shallow mainstream vs. the misunderstood intellectuals. The cool kids vs. the uncool kids. Everything becomes black and white. You fight little wars in your head. As this point and the others get at, once you’ve decided a certain type of person is your foe, you’ll tend to act and think in ways that lock you into your bad relationship to them.

They make their decisions in reaction to what other people do

If someone is bitter about a certain group, they may maketheirchoices using the rule of, “I hate them, so whatever they are for, I have to be against.” Oh, everyone likes that band I enjoy now. I guess I’m not going to listen to them anymore. They feel like they’re being non-conformists, or fighting the system. I’m hardly the first person to point out that they’re ironically still letting their lives be controlled by the people they dislike, rather than just doing whatever makes them happy.

They avoid potentially good things because of the unpleasant associations they bring up

Your friends invite you to come over to watch a hockey game. It’ll probably be fun to spend time with them, but sports make negative thoughts bubble to the surface of your brain, so you choose to avoid anything that has to do with them. Or you meet someone you like, but she has some of the mannerisms of the girls who used to pick on you in high school so you don’t pursue a friendship further. You can miss out on a lot of fun things just because they’re associated with something you’re bitter about.

They see changing themselves as selling out and ‘letting them win’

People may give you a hard time or not appreciate your natural personality. Society may be biased towards certain types of individuals. Still, there may beways you could change and grow that would legitimately make your life fuller and happier.

When you’re bitter you can be really stubborn about this. Changing means conceding that the enemy was partially right. If changing means becoming more like them in some way, you feel like you’re selling out. If you have an Us vs. Them attitude, it feels like they’re ‘winning’. No one’s keeping track ofthis stuffofcourse, but it all can seem very important in your mind.

They stay in a rut, but think it’s their noble destiny to be there

If your life isn’t in the best place, being bitter can help keep you there. You can end up painting this scenario in your mind where it’s good that you are where you are. You’re nobly sticking to your principles. You haven’t given up your values to seek success at a game you don’t even care about. You’ve held your ground where others have failed. This thinking can take on a martyr tint to it as well, where you get some sort of mental reward out of seeing yourself as a victim.

They achieve more than you normally would, out of a desire to ‘show them’

Okay, so maybe bitterness has one positive side effect, even if it doesn’t have the healthiest underpinnings. Some bitter people do a lot with their lives because they want to spite the people who picked on them in high school, or who didn’t believe in them. What’s the saying? “The best revenge is living well”? What’s that other cliche? That the smart, unpopular kid works hard to become the next Bill Gates so at his high school reunion he can throw all his success in the faces of the jerks who teased him, and who now all work in grocery stores? The only drawback of this is that being successful probably won’t give you the satisfaction and feeling of revenge you want. No matter where you are today, nothing will change the fact that when you were fourteen people made fun of you. Still, if you’re going to have bitterness affect you in only one way, you’d want it to be this one.

So how do you get over your bitterness?

Overall, I don’t have a ton of suggestions and I think it’s easier said than done. You can’t just magically stop caring about legitimately negative things that happened to you in the past, or which bother you now. In a way it would be wrong to not care that you were once treated unfairly. But still, you’ve got to take the edge off your feelings, even if you never get rid of them entirely. Three things I can think of are:

Expose yourself to the things you’re bitter about

This isn’t the easiest advice to take, but you may gain some relief by exposing yourself to the things you feel bitter towards. Prejudice is partially based on ignorance, right? Try to learn more about the things you feel resentful towards, and try to give them a fair chance. An example I’ve used elsewhere on the site is someone who’s resentful towards sports, explores them more, comes to find they’re not all bad, and lets go of some of his past baggage. Another examplewould be someone who dislikes a certain type of person, gains morefamiliaritywith them, and can no longer view them in a stark, negative way.

Forgive people

Depending on how bad someone’s past experiences were, this one may notbefor them. Forgiveness isn’t about excusing or condoning someone’s actions, or deciding they didn’t hurt you after all. It’s more about making a decision to not let your feelings have such a grip on you anymore.

Here’s a personal example: I wasn’t horribly bullied in high school at all, but there were one or two people who sometimes gave me a hard time. For years afterward it still got under my skin, and I’d sometimes daydream about how I could even the score if I ever ran into them on the street. Then one day, and I’m not sure why, I just thought, “I’ve got to let this go. So some guys were jerks to me when they were fifteen. Man, I could be a dick at that age too. I’m sure they’re decent enough people these days. We all make mistakes, and where would we be if no one ever gave us a second chance?… I forgive them.” My feelings were never the sameafter that. What they did just didn’t bother me anymore. I still don’t think what they did was right, but there’s no longer any anger there.

Sort out your other problems and live a good life

I already mentioned how the target of your bitterness can sometimes act as a scapegoat for other problems in your life. You’re really unhappy about other things, but for some reason your mind wants to blame it all on the fact that the world doesn’t appreciate people who are quiet and reserved, or whatnot. Similarly, when you’re in a bad mood for other reasons, your mind naturallygravitates towards other negative thoughts. It’s funny, I find when we’re fairly happy we may intellectually acknowledge that, say, our society is too materialistic, butitwon’t emotionally bother us. But as soon as we’re in a crappy mood, suddenly we’re grumpy about the same issue.

I’ve found that the more you can sort out your issues and get your life to where you want it to be, the less old injustices get to you. You may still acknowledgecertain things as problems, but they don’t have the power to rankle you like they used to.

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Life Must Go On

It’s just beginning…


For everything you have missed, you have gained something else; and for everything you gain, you lose something else.
It is about your outlook towards life. You can either regret or rejoice..

Live your life. Smile. Stop thinking about yesterday. Get ready for tomorrow

Copyright 2013 by Suffian Yans